Watching the rain, wind and sun melt the snow over the past couple of weeks it’s remarkable how much the landscape of my little village resembles the features of mountains and riverside valleys eroding over millions of years. The many snowfalls over the winter have created a history of the past five months in the layers or strata in the curbside snowbank mountains.
Sometimes we forget to notice the passage of time then it’s shown back to us in the weirdest places and in the strangest ways. But then sometimes we feel the time passing with excruciating detail and the strata of those exposed snowbanks act as a now-daily reminder of how deep and how long our winter was.
The exposed rings in the melting snowbanks also act like the rings of a tree. When there was a drought the rings will be closer together, when there was plenty the rings are further apart. Either way, however, the tree kept growing.
This year it also kept snowing. This year my little village received about fifteen-feet of snow, which while close is not a record. I told Bine about the rings in the snowbanks and she asked to see them, hence the photo.
During the winter it always seems as though the snow will remain white forever. Pure in looks if not content. But snowflakes are borne around particulates, grains of dust, dirt or bacteria in the atmosphere. And when a field of several square miles of snow built fifteen-feet high melts it leaves a lot of dirt and grime behind.
Yes, I’m using melting snow as a metaphor for us recovering. Snow looks pure, but it’s not. It’s really camouflaged dirt which sticks around until something happens to expose its true nature and then you’re fucked with a yard full of thawing dog shit, last years decaying leaves, three barrels of trash and three inches of bacteria filled mud.
The life we lead before taking our recovery seriously feels normal, it looks mostly normal and it can even Be normal. But it’s not. And the longer we avoid the hard parts of recovery the deeper that pile gets and the longer it’s going to take to get rid of… but it can be done and it has been done.
On an almost entirely separate topic Mark, who blogged as ‘markps2’ at ‘psychiatricsurvivor.wordpress’, has erased most of his online identity. Mark is an intelligent and funny guy who’s as fucked in the head as any one of us. Within the past few days he has deleted his WP and Blogger accounts. He always left interesting comments here and I miss him already.
Mark, dude I’d appreciate updates on your snowshoe experiments.
Dame Wiggins Of Lee has also stopped blogging, but hasn’t deleted her account. She has taken her blog offline while she absorbs some Life. I don’t think she’ll be back soon, but I do think she’ll be back later. I think she still has stuff to talk about and videos to post.
I’m taking time to figure out if writing about my life and my recovery is something I want to do on other people’s blogs. I’ve been trying to put together some decent copyright notices, and even modified the image I put at the end of my posts. I got freaked out seeing my brother on a splog so I’ve taken that image off and created something somewhat elegant to replace it…
I also put together a copyright banner (very top) which gives me some sense of security. At least there’ll be an explanation of who and where I am on the splog. If I can get my peace of mind back into the ‘peaceful’ range then I’ll keep going.
If I stay freaked out I’ll probably take Salted private and start blogging full time on Cultural Snafu again. For now I’ve also stopped using “categories” or “tags”.
By the way… Plagiarism Today, a website dedicated to plagiarism and copyright issues, has endorsed my Exposing Sploggers blog. Which is a big freaking deal. I’m expecting another huge endorsement in a few days. I’d still like some feedback, ideas and criticisms… and volunteers.
Any comments about the new header images, the image copyright in the photo and the -30- image would be appreciated as well… if you want a personalized copyright banner but don’t have the software just let me know and I’ll send you one.
And if you find Mark give him a little poke in his belly, he likes that… and let me know he’s doing all right. Deep breaths buddy, deep breaths.