Dark Entries woke up early a few days ago and, having some time to kill before his owner fed him, he found a meme… then, as is his character, he stole it.
So I’m passing it on as well to five people I’m fairly confident will carry it on — because they love children and would never want bad things to happen to them… but feel free to add your buck sixty-five in the comment area if you’re so inclined.
The rules are as follows:
You are in a mall when zombies attack. You have:
1. One weapon
2. One song blasting on the speakers
3. One famous person to fight along side you.
So you’ve got a mall full of the undead and need a weapon. It’s the age-old quandary… to kill a mall full of zombie’s you need something that will explode a head at long range, but still small enough to get up in a hurry when a zombie pops up in your face. You need something that will do the job right with one shot, with a large magazine and is easy to reload.
Machine guns and anything with 9mm in its name are too small and are not reliable beyond ten feet. So any zombified family member shambling around very close to you will catch some bullets, but because those bullets are so small their brains will remain intact while yours and those of your children will be eaten.
Shotguns are handy to have, but have small magazine’s which take forever to load. So seven shots, then a full two minutes to reload. That’s a max of seven mashed zombie brains, then you stand around reloading while the three hundred other zombie’s zero in on your position thanks to the incredibly loud sound of seven shotgun blasts.
When they’re available everyone in a zombie movie seems to love the Assault rifles. Even in Shaun Of The Dead the humans ditch the things which work, the cricket bats, in favour of a single shot Winchester .44calibre rifle.
But even modern assault rifles hardly do any damage to the body. They certainly don’t have the capacity to blow the head off an attacking zombie. Rifles are accurate, but they act like an arrow… straight in, straight out. If used against a zombie in combat you’d need a bucket load of bullets to take your targets down.
There is always the pistol option, and there are some .50 calibre models in production now which would take a zombie’s head clean off. The problem with using pistols against zombie’s, however, is they lack substantial range… plus the recoil would probably break smaller wrists, making it useless for any children in your survivor party.
Therefore the best assault weapon to use against zombie’s would be the Auto Assault-12 (AA12) combat shotgun.
The AA12 fires shotgun shells full-auto at 300 rpm. And we’re talking full titanium slug and FRAG-12 High-Explosive ammunition — which is actually a grenade, and turns the AA12 into a FULL AUTO grenade launcher.
That means when you find a nest of sleeping zombie’s after they’ve stolen your dog, you can put 32 high explosive rounds (grenades) into their midst in less than twenty seconds. You never have to worry about aiming for the head again. But, just in case, the AA12 is deadly accurate up to 175 yards.
And there’s no recoil so the children can use it as well.
The awesome AA-12 assault shotgun…
For the song selection I’ve chosen the Gary Jules remake of the Tears For Fears classic “Mad World”. I could’ve gone with a metal song, something like “Rock ‘n’ Roll Nigger” by Marilyn Manson, but the way I see it all zombie movies are about sucking the audience in with the possibility of survival.
Zombie movies are inevitable. At least the good ones are. The first ending to “28 Days Later” sucked tick infested dog balls, as did both endings to “I Am Legend”. While mostly cool, the metal soundtracks to the recent zombie movies just feel like cheats to me…
Plus I’m assuming this is supposed to be the soundtrack for the last charge and it’d be a slow motion montage of some kind…
The person I’d most want at my side while firing off the last rounds of my AA12 would be the original El Mariachi… I thought about Jesus, but he’s already a zombie.
Ten Minute Film School feat. El Mariachi
And the five people I’m tagging with this meme are…
Bonus Zombie Song…
“Zombie” by The Cranberries