No Post Day | No News Has Been Good News


“Eve Of Destruction”; The Forgotten Rebels
Let me know if the YouTube isn’t available.

Like a large chunk of my generation I grew up almost convinced we were all going to be dead by 1990. But then the Wall came down in 1989 and all of my hopes, dreams and aspirations were crushed by the promise of a new, safe and friendly planet. Thanks to the East German army’s unwillingness to fire on their own people as they chiselled away at that Wall, I believed I would forever be condemned to living a full life free of radiation fuelled zombie’s.

But evidently I gave up on my childhood dreams of Global Disintegration too soon, because thanks to Vladimir Putin’s threats to reinvade Poland, I can once again see the possibility of a second sun rising in the West.

Leave it to the permanently-nostalgic Soviets Russians to want to relive the past sixty years in the hope that maybe, maybe they can get it right this time and the dictatorship of the proletariat will finally lead to a communistic nirvana. Because if there’s one thing a Russian likes to talk about more than how much better everything would be if only they adopted the ways of the past, it’s talking about how bad the present is.

When it comes to nihilistic and self-destructive tendencies the Vikings were tiny fifteen year-old girl Olympian gymnasts jumping around in brightly coloured leotards compared to the Russians. This is a State which pulled out of Afghanistan because they thought the job was done… the job having been killing tens of thousands of their own people. Historically Russia seems to have been so bent on self-destruction that in times of war its leadership actually considers killing the other side as collateral damage.

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Their ten year war against Afghanistan was nothing more than a self-pumped meat grinder, but two years after their humiliating defeat the Russians became so nostalgic and so desperate for reasons to be clinically depressed the country invaded Chechnya where they did everything they could to lose. Afterwards Russia spent a few years biding its time, until 1999 when the government killed off a few of its Moscow citizens in faked terrorist attacks so they could manufacture one last opportunity to lay waste to a piece of their own country before the end of the millennium.

The problem is, of course, things are getting quiet in Chechnya — there being nothing left to make a noise. So it totally makes sense that Russia would, on the slimmest of pretences, invade Georgia because at that particular moment Poland hadn’t yet signed a missile defence treaty. And now that Poland has signed it, and since Georgia’s armed forces are outnumbered by the Toronto Municipal Police Force, it totally makes sense Russia would threaten to invade Poland. Because another war involving Poland would be the nihilist equivalent of watching Yelena Isinbaeva “pole vault” Tiffani-Amber Thiessen.

If the world were a bar Russia would be that guy in the corner who will, on a dare and as hard as he can, punch himself in the face.

But instead of a pleasant bar setting with many people enjoying each others company, Russia’s a country with a whole lot of nuclear weapons led by Putin, a Prime Minister who desperately wants to have the powers of Stalin and the lifestyle of Boris Berezovsky, and his Presidential lackey Medvedev, a man with shoulders just broad enough to carry his enormous head.

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…lately every time I sit down to write a proper No Post Day I end up writing a post. My question this time, for anyone willing to play along, isn’t so much a question as a request. What’s going on in the news where you are?

Basically what’s in the local, state, provincial, national or international news right now that you find concerning… or, if you can find it, what’s happening out there that’s making you happy?

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About Gabriel...

...diagnosed with manic depression in 1989, for the next 14-years I lived without treatment or a recovery plan. I've been homeless, one time I graduated college, I've won awards for reporting on Internet privacy issues, and a weekly humour column. In 2002 I finally hit bottom and found help. I have an 8-year old son, and a 4-year old son... I’m usually about six feet tall, and I'm pretty sure I screwed up my book deal. I mostly blog at saltedlithium.com....
This entry was posted in crazy people with no pants, Health, Humor, Humour, No Post Day, Politics, Punk, Zombies. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to No Post Day | No News Has Been Good News

  1. Spaks says:

    You have no idea how much of a smile this post brought to my face, I have to thank you for writing this one. Then again, that’s no surprise, as usually just an update is sufficient a reason to make me smile =P

    As for news in my area? Boomers got obliterated at the Olympics. Some high level preacher just got done for faking a terminal illness (albeit he did a damn good job of it, but he’s admitted to it himself which is a surprise).

    And really, I don’t pay enough attention to the news to know much else. Although apparently interest rates are going down again here. Chances are banks won’t follow the reserve bank’s lead though, so we’re still as screwed as always =/

  2. thordora says:

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who spent my childhood permanently affected by the possibility of nuclear war. I thought I had just watched Red Dawn too much as a kid. 🙂

    News here? Snort. Shopping carts being banned in the mall, and the seemingly perpetual argument about how to fix the schools and how french immersion changes will/won’t fix them.

    Sigh. And green water in the resevoir.

    Now I’ll go back to being scared that Putin IS stupid enough to invade Poland. Poor Poland.

  3. bromac says:

    Lots new here. Have been getting pounded by TS Fay for three days now and am close to losing my mind from being inside my house with two dogs, a cat, and a toddler.

    Casey Anthony is to be released from jail today so she can “help” find her 3 year old. Right.

  4. darkentries says:

    [something weird was happening with your comment DE, so I’m just fixing things…]

    penguin link: here

  5. John McCunt says:

    Only white news are good news.
    Bad news are black.
    Vote for me and I promise that I’ll win the war this time. For America.
    And the next, too.

  6. Gabriel... says:

    G’day Spaks… there were more than two teams playing basketball in this Olympics? I even assumed the Aussie swimmers drowned before getting to Beijing, but then I checked and they actually won 20 medals. You’d think someone would have written about that…

    Wait a few years, the thing about Evangelical religious politics is everyone gets a second and third chance, I don’t think Guglielmucci will be gone too long.

    Hi Thor… I don’t think Putin has the level of insanity necessary to invade Poland, but I didn’t think he’d go into Georgia either. I do think he’ll turn the oil taps off again like he did when Ukraine started getting too close to NATO.

    French immersion may not be the solution, but learning the language never hurt anyone.

    Bromac… welcome back. You’re the third person that has come back just before I was about to write an email asking where you were. Maybe I should write and ask Jesus what’s up, just to get the Second Coming started and get this whole thing done with… or maybe Jim Morrison.

    I’ve always, always wanted to be in a real Tropical Storm… but not so much a hurricane. We get the tail ends of most of the storms you guys get and it’s always a show.

    We had a case near here recently similar to Casey Anthony’s. A mother claimed her teenage daughter just walked off after they fought in a parking lot. A few days later the cops found the body and the mother has been charged…

    Dark Entries… there’s something really familiar about an animal getting a human honour in a way that the event poisons the honour forever after, but I can’t remember the details.

    John, welcome. I recognize the words but I don’t understand them in the way you have them ordered, but welcome… and I’ll try to get the word out.

  7. cinema paradiso put a smile on my face tonight…as did this:

  8. News here is that they’re shutting down the post offices but one’s just been saved, they’re put a load of flowers in a rough estate so now it’s “flowery” and something about cricket and golf. All these are in the “News” section of our local paper…

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