Salted Humour Day | Covering Europe Under Six Inches Of Concrete

Whatever this thing is, it’s intelligent and it’s not afraid to kill its loved ones for food…

I’m not suggesting we cover the Earth in six inches of concrete, build a few oxygen generators and eat nothing but discarded skin. I’m just saying that if we want to avoid the weirdness this planet keeps throwing at us it’d be a good start.

This thing looks like it was the inspiration for John Carpenter’s “The Thing” and most, if not all, of the CGI in “Men In Black” only, instead of cartoons vomiting and/or exploding all over Tommy Lee Jones’ credibility as an actor, this thing is sitting in the middle of a Spanish road eating one of its own.

And I’m using the word “thing” on purpose. The fucking thing looks like an insect, it even moves a little like an insect, but I swear to Christ that thing is intelligent enough to know those cars whipping past aren’t a threat. It’s walking on two freaking legs with its buddies head in its freaking mouth. Something that fucking insane looking isn’t supposed to exist outside of a LucusFilm computer.

I’m totally fucking serious, you see something like this crawling around your neighbourhood and you start thinking “where’s the fucking government? Where are the people who are supposed to be doing something?” What is wrong with Europe that something like this makes sense? It’s four inches long… it’s four inches long, it’s intelligent, it looks like it looks and it has its friends head in its mouth. Seriously… there have been some pretty good reasons to do it in the past, but it’s finally time now to cover Europe in concrete.



About Gabriel...

...diagnosed with manic depression when I was nineteen, for the next 14-years I lived without treatment or a recovery plan. I've been homeless, one time I graduated college, I've won awards for reporting on Internet privacy issues, and a weekly humour column. In 2002 I finally hit bottom and found help. It's now 2022, and I have an 8-year old son, and a 12-year old son... I’m usually about six feet tall, and I'm pretty sure I screwed up my book deal. I mostly blog at
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6 Responses to Salted Humour Day | Covering Europe Under Six Inches Of Concrete

  1. benji1974 says:

    There are a lot of things that are right in the world and if these things every grow like Giant African Land Snails then we all need to just pack our bags and pray for the next flight off this rock.

    Here’s a link to video of said snails in question.

  2. Dumb Waiter says:

    Dude, that’s one of the several thousand reasons why it’s best to live in Canada… we can step on all of the bugs which make their home here without them getting upset and killing our family.

  3. thordora says:

    blech. I thought the earwigs in my house were huge lately.

  4. Gabriel... says:

    It’s like it can’t get its friends head into its mouth fast enough so it has to use the middle legs to jam it in there… can you imagine what happens when these things evolve into colonies? If I had known about these things back when Iwas living with cockroaches I don’t think my problems would have seemed so urgent.

  5. Since I live in Europe, I have to protest 😛 How about strategic, laser sighted bombs on all insects-that-should-not-be-allowed?

  6. Gabriel... says:

    I didn’t think any of you UKers thought of yourselves as European… unless they learn how to build little airplanes, which is a distinct possibility given their incredible intelligence, I think your islands should be safe enough. Even safer once the concrete starts to pour…

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