Be My Lithium Valentine


“I Choo-Choo-Choose You, Happy Valentines”; — Photo by Me, Dec. 14, 2007

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“It Takes Two”; Rob Base and DJ Easy Rock
It takes two to make a thing go right, It takes two to make it outta sight
Let me know if the YouTube isn’t available.

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It’s amazing how hard it is to concentrate on writing when someone is playing Manhunt 2 directly behind me and still taking the time to describe what’s going on.

I have a house guest for the next few days… maybe ten. A good friend of mine just got kicked out of the house he shared for a year with his girlfriend and her two kids. This is the second time he has used my now crowded apartment as a refuge. The last time was a couple of years ago when he moved in for six weeks to kick a crack habit and get over another girlfriend.

Unfortunately this time he’s here during the first Valentine’s Day in a long time I actually have someone to spend it with… kind of. On the actual Day itself she’ll be busy doing things like looking for work and “having a life” and “looking after her kids”. I’ll probably, mostly, be sleeping having been up all night working on this as I can’t write while gang bangers and white supremacists are being gutted with crowbars and circular saws.

My friend has always dealt with his own relationships the same way he plays Manhunt… screw looking in the corners for stuff which might protect you, just run around the room in circles as fast as possible until everyone’s splattered against the walls and deal with what’s left later. Or, with his girlfriends and general life away from a PS2, commit early and fall hard and face the unpleasant realities of how she’ll deal with his Whirlwind sometime down the road.

Sometimes people need to be told someone loves them. Sometimes those people realize a few months later it was all they needed from the relationship.

Sometimes people need to convince someone they’re loved. Sometimes, to do it properly, those people convince themselves what they’re saying is true.

Melanie and I have been dating since November… we dated in high school as well, for about eight months. For most of it I was in love with her. We met just before I was diagnosed and broke up just as I was going into the hospital for Observation — I broke up with her, I had no idea what was going to happen with what I thought would be my Recovery and wanted to spare us both.

She found me eighteen-years later by Google-ing during the week I put my real name into my blog… and here we are holding hands again, three years after I started my recovery.

She’s an “almost single” mom of two young girls and in her own recovery mode now so our idea is to move slowly, being careful to check the corners and to make sure we’re saying the right things for the right reasons and not splatter each other against the wall.

As sane as I may have become, I’m still trying to figure out… not “who I am” in any deep philosophical sense, more in a “how will I react in any given situation”. But also, for some things, in the clichéd philosophical sense.

Except for maybe a couple of exceptions in high school I’ve never dated a woman while I was rational and unlikely to disappear for a week or two… until now.

Since I started my Recovery I’ve only been in a long term relationship with one other woman, and that was at the very beginning of my recovery, during the first year of starting medications and treatment. Basically I started dating her during the recovery phase I was trying to spare Melanie from eighteen years ago.

Anyway… my first Sane Valentine’s Day with Someone I care about will be postponed until Friday when Melanie and I will have a nice dinner Somewhere. And no video games.

This could… should have been a lot more romantic, but there’s a snoring half-naked 260lb dude sleeping on the floor behind me. And he keeps twitching like he’s playing Manhunt in his dreams…

Happy Valentine’s Day Melanie… thanks for Google-ing me.

And a Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone else… and dudes, from my experience gas station flowers are better than no flowers.

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About Gabriel...

...diagnosed with manic depression in 1989, for the next 14-years I lived without treatment or a recovery plan. I've been homeless, one time I graduated college, I've won awards for reporting on Internet privacy issues, and a weekly humour column. In 2002 I finally hit bottom and found help. I have an 8-year old son, and a 4-year old son... I’m usually about six feet tall, and I'm pretty sure I screwed up my book deal. I mostly blog at saltedlithium.com....
This entry was posted in Bipolar, Bipolar Disease, Bipolar Disorder, crazy people with no pants, Health, Lithium, Living With Depression, Living With Manic Depression, Manic Depression, Salted Truths. Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Be My Lithium Valentine

  1. melanie says:

    Right back at ya baby! Sorry we can’t be together today. Know that you are in my heart.

    Until tomorrow…

    Happy V-Day all!

  2. thordora says:

    I think it’s plenty romantic Gabriel. 🙂

    I found mine in the strangest of ways-I think the best matches work that way. 🙂

    I’ll eat some candy hearts for you.

  3. bine says:

    do you mind if i tell you i love you because it’s valentines day?
    i do really, as much as you can love someone you’ve never met and who seems to be pretty eccentric on top of his manic depression.
    i’ve been around for a little over a year now, and i still drop in at least once a week to see how you are doing. you and your blog have helped me through some hard times, you can make me laugh, and cry, and i’m still very glad i found you in the first place.
    i’m happy you made that choice even if you are still in that phase of recovery you wanted to spare her. she can be a part of it, and it’s good that you are doing this together.

  4. Gabriel... says:

    Thanks Bine… I don’t mind at all, please feel free to say it again whenever you’d like. I’ve felt the same way for people I’ve met the same way you’ve met and gotten to know me, so I definitely know what you’re saying. I also like your choice of “eccentric” to describe me… it makes me feel kind of grown up.

    I hope you and Thordora got the flowers, candy hearts, hugs, dinner and “foot massages” you both deserve.

  5. Awh dimples.

    I think you have the better approach to relationships. It is a great feeling to love and be loved, for when I am stable again.

  6. Nice. I’ll say I love you too nin-JAH!

    Hugs,
    PA

  7. jamie says:

    My name is Jamie Johnson and Im 25 years old. I have been living with depression for what seems to be a very long time. I am sick and tired of feeling this way, I dont even know what else to try. I am currently taking zoloft, an anti-depressant. It seems to be helping me a little but am still feeling down sometimes. I have been looking into alternative treatments, something to add on to what I am already doing. So now, with my therapy and medication..I also found out about certin stones that can help with mood and negative energy, I decided to try those as well. I now have been wearing my “healing bracelet”, as I like to call it for 2 weeks. I can honestly say I feel a little better, I actually think this thing is helping. I now have been recommending them to other girls in my weekly depression group, because if it can help me, maybe it could help you. Im not saying that there magic or should take the place of medication or therapy, but every little bit helps, if you know what I mean. I am just gratefull that I have started to feel a little better, because I get so sick of feeling down all the time. Also, it really sucks because it feels like now one understands. But if you want to look at the bracelets I will leave the link below, and I hope that they help you too.

    [Jamie, I’m really not sure if you’re spamming me or not… so I’m going to leave this up just in case you’re not. At least for now. But I am disabling the link…]
    3w dot omri-corporate dot com/customproshop.htm

  8. Clare says:

    ::hearts:: to you G. and your love

  9. Pingback: Reaching The One Hundred Post Mark And Looking Back At My Recovery So Far « …salted lithium.

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