Stuff I did today (yesterday edition)

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I’m trying to get this blog thing back on track… so it’s back to blogging basics.

This is some of the stuff I did today (which is now yesterday)… most of this is chronologically random.

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I cooked for myself. It was just potatoes and onions fried up with two eggs, but I’ve done it every day for almost a week now.

I cook fairly regularly for my girlfriend — chicken, she loves my hamburgers, spaghetti, stuff. But generally when I’m cooking just for me it’s coming straight from a can or the freezer or, more likely, from the Chinese restaurant the next town over.

When I’m cooking for myself, with ingredients, it usually means I’m broke, because pretty much the only time I’ll get to the grocery store is when I’m down to my last few dollars.

Which, of course, is totally ironic.

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My baby and I have been spending a lot of time together. He was here today. I realized before Christmas that, weirdly, I haven’t been hugging him. I hold him a lot, but no real hugs. So now I’m hugging him every chance I get. And now he’s hugging me as well.

He’ll bury his head in my shoulder, and hold onto my arm. It’s very cool.

We hugged each other a few times today.

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My girlfriend came over after getting her oldest son to school. She put our son into his crib, then climbed into bed with me. They were both sound asleep pretty much right away.

My son will fall to sleep on his back, but almost always ends up face down and bum up. It’s adorable. I let them sleep for as long as they needed, which ended up being almost three hours.

Mostly, while they slept, I tried my best to avoid writing anything. Which I’m getting pretty good at.

After they woke up I played with my son while my girlfriend met with her boss about whether or not she still has a job. I’m still not sure. She hasn’t worked since before Christmas, and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want to go back to working the register at the store.

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Very early in the morning, before they came over and before I went to bed, I downloaded a truck load of music. I was up late practising not writing anything, and the idea hit me to download music from movies I like. So I now have the soundtracks to ‘Death Proof’ and ‘Heavy Metal’.

I also downloaded the discography of the 5.6.7.8’s, who had a cameo in ‘Kill Bill’.

Then I started browsing and ended up with “Steal This Album” and “Pick a Bigger Weapon” from The Coup and, for my girlfriend, “Endlessly” by Duffy and “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy” by Kanye West… both of which are really good. I also… stole, I guess, “Until One” by Swedish House Mafia.

I’m still not sure if I like house music, but there are some really good songs on this album.

The “Death Proof Soundtrack” also has a couple of decent songs, but mostly it’s crap… kind of like the movie. The “Heavy Metal Soundtrack” is, of course, awesome — Sammy Hagar, Stevie Nicks, Cheap Trick, Don Felder, Grand Funk Railroad, Black Sabbath, Nazareth… awesome.

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Something kind of weird that I did today was start taking photos off my wall of people I used to know. I haven’t changed the photos in over five years, so they’re of people I thought I was friends with way back in the beginning of my recovery.

It’s like, I kept the photos of these people on my walls out of some obligation to them I never really had. We had a lot of really cool adventures, but that was like ten frigging years ago. I haven’t spoken to most of these people in four and five years, and the ones I’ve spoken to more recently I’d kind of like to avoid.

So I’m exchanging them for pictures of sunrises, sunsets and flowers I’ve taken over the past couple of years. Plus more shots of my son and girlfriend.

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Speaking of which… I bought a new camera last week. While my girlfriend and our son were sleeping I spent some time trying to figure it out.

Mostly my brain hurts when I try to make it work. The instruction book is 129 pages thick. My little five-year old pocket camera, which I’ve given to my girlfriend because hers was stolen, was pretty much just a point-and-shoot with a few exposure options.

This one, a Samsung WB600, is twice the size with an internal menu choked with a hundred or more exposure, aperture, ISO/ASA and flash options.

I’m pretty sure buying it was a mistake. First, it cost $250, which leaves me with roughly $100 for food for the rest of the month.

Then there’s the fact it makes my head hurt. It’s actually more like my “big boy cameras”, the SLR’s I had been using from childhood, than my pocket digital. Which is what I wanted, I’ve been complaining since I got the pocket digital that it’s just a pocket digital with no features.

But now that I have a digital camera with all the options of a “real” camera, I’m figuring out in a hurry that I haven’t used a “real” camera in five or six years.

I have until Wednesday to get my money back.

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After they left I also played Grand Theft Auto IV for an hour or so while I listened to the 5.6.7.8’s.

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I had dinner at my girlfriend’s with our son and his five-year old brother. She made nachos. Her older son was having a hard time with his food, so I told him the mushrooms were rabbit poo, the olives were rabbit brains and his red-berry juice was rabbit blood.

He doesn’t get a lot of opportunities to be a boy, his father is a lazy, neglectful mess, and his mother comes from a family that has a crisis every second day and she kind of gets lost and forgets “accidentally” dropping food on the floor doesn’t have to mean an automatic “time-out”.

Sometimes a boy has to drink his juice and call it blood.

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After the boys went to bed my girlfriend and I sat on the couch watching TV… mostly Family Guy reruns, and Tosh.0, then we had sex, then we watched America’s Funniest Videos and she fell to sleep on my chest while I watched “The Daily Show”.

I left just after midnight. On my way out she gave me a homemade loaf of banana bread.

.

...thanks.

.

About Gabriel...

...diagnosed with manic depression in 1989, for the next 14-years I lived without treatment or a recovery plan. I've been homeless, one time I graduated college, I've won awards for reporting on Internet privacy issues, and a weekly humour column. In 2002 I finally hit bottom and found help. I have an 8-year old son, and a 4-year old son... I’m usually about six feet tall, and I'm pretty sure I screwed up my book deal. I mostly blog at saltedlithium.com....
This entry was posted in Bipolar, Bipolar Disease, Bipolar Disorder, crazy people with no pants, CSG, Health, Living With Depression, Living With Manic Depression, Manic Depression, Mental Health, Poverty. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Stuff I did today (yesterday edition)

  1. skylark says:

    Welcome back Gabriel! I was JUST thinking that I haven’t heard from you in awhile. You reminded me of the music from Kill Bill which I liked at the time. I’m listening to the album now. I recently discovered a p2p site called 4shared.com which seems to have an abundance of music. If you don’t have a “subscription”, you can still download files if you wait an amount of time related to the size of the file you want to download.

    I too don’t have patience for manuals anymore. I like to play with my new toy and then read the manual later when it makes more sense. Toy of the century… iPhone4. It’s THE future and it has a fairly decent camera. I had to get in now because I’m fairly sure the iPhone5 is going to have a “Beam Me Up Scotty” app and I want to be there when it happens.

  2. qweenminx says:

    Hey Gabe!!!

    You popped into my head. 5 minutes ago. And, here I am. Glad you’re still around and glad you’re still blogging my beautiful friend.

    Your son is beautiful. Takes after his dad.

    Just passing by and wanted to say hi. So I did.

    🙂 xx

  3. Bromac says:

    So glad to see a new post! Like the previous two posters, have been thinking of you lately.

    Nothing to add as I’m not into music and have an easy pocket camera. But, damn, glad you’re back.

    Keep hugging Victor. It’s food for the soul.

  4. zoom says:

    Hey, good to see you back online again. I’m glad you’re hugging Victor. It’s good for both of you. The more the better. What the heck, hug his brother too – it sounds like he could use a hug!

  5. Gabriel... says:

    Hi skylark, thanks for checking up on me… I’ve been using btjunkie for over a year now. I resisted downloading music for as long as I could, but once I figured out how to use btjunkie properly it was just easier to download than not to download. I try to keep it to only fairly obscure albums, but I’m basically building the music library I’ve had in my head for forty years.

    Which is pretty much everything from the classic ‘industrial’ album, “Songs About Fucking” by Big Black, to the Canadian goth band Godspeed You Black Emperor!, to new wave hip hop The Knux and Madcon, to old school blues like Blind Willy Johnson and Rev. Gary Davis.

    The Kill Bill Soundtrack is packed with goodness, and has one song on it by the 5.6.7.8’s, called “Woo Hoo”. If you can find it, I highly recommend their album called “Teenage Mojo Workout”. Their discography is hard to find on a P2P because of their name, I only found them by searching for the album names. Even then only a few people were willing to share it.

    I watched a panel show not too long ago and someone said the future of casual photography was in phones, that we’re basically seeing the death of the digital camera because the optical quality of phone camera’s has almost gotten to the point where carrying a camera as well was becoming obsolete. I’d probably agree, it’s just that the trend seems to be towards making photos more disposable.

    I think I’d rather see the camera remain separate, and make the quality camera’s easier to use.

  6. Gabriel... says:

    Hi Lemon!!! Chances are actually pretty good I’ll be thinking about you for a while tonight… tomorrow, the next day…

    Thanks for letting me know what’s on your mind… feel free to stop by anytime to do it again.

  7. Gabriel... says:

    Taiguey Bromac… thanks for looking for me. It means a lot to me.

    Coming back to blogging was getting harder to do the longer I stayed away. There was some family craziness over Christmas, plus the actual getting ready for the event itself, then going through with it… blogging kind of became something I couldn’t schedule.

    But I tried… I even started an entirely new blog, it’s a just photos taken in my home town with a smart ass comment.

    I think, now with Jesus’ fake birthday out of the way, I’ll be able to maintain a more regular schedule. I just have to find a rhythm… which, what with all the stealing of music I’ve been doing, should be fairly easy.

  8. Gabriel... says:

    G’day Zoom… thanks for missing me. My girlfriend’s oldest son — I’ll have to come up with a nickname for him (for now: MGOS) — and I have been spending a lot of time together (relative to the few months previous). The more time we spend together, the closer he lets me get. But I’m still having problems with the idea of being his stand-in father, or even having him rely on me to be his father-figure. I’m just not that reliable to begin with… and I’m talking about the basics, like just showing up at my girlfriend’s house on time.

    I’m better than I was just a couple of seasons ago, but… and this is probably too heavy for this conversation, but right now I see him (not entirely) as a block between me and my son. When I start to get close to my son, MGOS always has to jump in and demand my attention. And I totally know why, and I always feel like shit because MGOS got stuck with such an asshole for a father, because I know what it feels like and how it’ll probably end up.

    …but maybe that’s a post, not a comment reply.

    We — you, skylark, my girlfriend and I — should get together again soon. I’ll make you guys some mix-CD’s.

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