“I’m glad you said it, and you say it well.
I’m new to wordpress (about two days into it) and I too am bipolar and a writer. In the 90s I was hospitalized 6 times. My last hospitalization was in 1998.
Everyday I claw more life out of life.
I’ve had some success in publishing since I have been stable, and now I am a co-editor of a lit mag.
You’re welcome to read my blog “Orphans of dark and rain” I added your blog to my links.
Keep clawing and keep writing.”
I started Salted Lithium towards the end of one of the worst clinical depressions I’ve ever experienced. It lasted four months, during which I was suicidal for the first time since starting my recovery in 2003. My intention was simply to see if I could still write. Not understanding how the WordPress privacy settings worked I accidentally left Salted available to the general public. Three days after posting my first piece Clare found me and her comment encouraged me to write something else… recovery is all about small steps, and I moved a step forward because someone I had never met left a comment and added my blog to her blogroll. “Everyday,” Clare wrote, “I claw more life out of life.”
Since I started Salted I’ve put this, slightly cryptic quote at the bottom of every post as a reminder to myself as to what I was doing: “You burn things when there’s no going back. How much of yourself have you had to burn away to be the person you are today? Because baby, my body is ash and my mind is still smoking.” I don’t feel as frantic anymore, but I still feel like there’s enough of me in need of being burned away that Salted will be necessary for a little longer. So thanks to everyone who has posted a comment or stopped and read.
I have spent my adult life believing we can all learn from each others recovery. So I thought it’d be a cool idea to introduce all of the people who have commented on Salted to each other. So I’ve quoted from your first comment left here, and left a link to the post and to your site. Because some of you have changed blogs over the past year I’ve updated your URL to the new one…
The First Time Ever I Saw Your Name…
02. Penguin: Nov 18, 2006, 5:22am “Amen”. A friend of Clare’s, I’m not sure you ever came back. Definitely the only flightless bird to leave a comment. Thanks.
03. Traxiom: Nov 22, 2006, 1:26am “Sounds like the only thing you’re recovering from is an interesting life.” One of the more aggressive visitors I’ve had, but still a lot of fun. We shared some music, and she was responsible for most of the questions on my FUQ Page. I’m not sure what happened, but thanks for coming around.
04. Blue Porch Blues: Nov 23, 2006, 4:41am “Widened perspectives on shifting realities allow the past to age and provide room for a future with an open door.” The first relative and person I know in my Offline Life to comment. I think I may have forced her to do it… thanks for leaving the note, I know now how difficult it would have been to read the post.
05. Puddle Jumper: Dec 7, 2006, 3:55am “…sometimes its hard to be a woman.” This was a test post, but Puddle found it. I had made a couple of comments on her site, I think this was more courtesy than interest but she’s been my Blogging BFF ever since.
06. Queen Minx: Dec 10, 2006, 12:46am “The ‘emotionally kicking your arse’ and ‘driving yourself away in your head’ (as my gran would say), you talk about in your post, echoes my own turmoil of emotions and memories…” Queen and I had a week-long poetic exchange on her original blog, over the next few months it grew into a friendship then something more. She’s over on Facebook now, playing cards and sending drinks to everyone. Thanks for everything Lemon.
07. Mercurial Scribe: Dec 11, 2006, 5:59am “Trust me, my dear, Canada is looking better and better…” I think Merc was the first blogger I tried to help. If my memory is right she was running out of meds and I took it personally. I left messages on her blog and suggested asking her doctor for freebies. They’ve been a little sporadic but I’ve always enjoyed seeing you here. Thanks Mercurial.
08. Pink Jelly Baby: Dec 13, 2006, 7:24am “i have no reason to be depressed, so i search one out. it’s tiring.” PJB and I had a few conversations on her blog but we never really connected… I think I was still finding a voice. She’s got a great blog though. Thanks for coming over.
09. Aikaterine: Dec 14, 2006, 9:43am “What does regret mean when I can’t escape my own mind long enough to remember?” Aik and I had a weird blog thing going on… she was looking for ‘reasons’ and understanding and I think after awhile she found what she was looking for… not necessarily through Salted, but through the people she found through my blogroll. I think the questions Aik asked were my first test for the ideas I had been putting into Salted. Thanks for everything Aikaterine.
10. Hell Fried: Dec 16, 2006, 6:29pm “loved the post and i am totally fascinated by the quotation right at the end of it about burning one’s traits away.” I was always confused by the blog HF was trying to run. He presented himself as a worker in a SE Asian AIDS Hospice who wrote semi-fictional accounts of patients… but, maybe it was a language thing, they never seemed real. From what I remember he was the first of my blogroll to self-delete. Thanks for coming by Hell Fried, your comments were appreciated and I hope you found something better.
11. Dumb Waiter: Dec 17, 2006, 4:10am “Just want you to know that I’ve been reading your blog and it has been enlightening to say the least. Your posts have me reflecting, and are helping me bring an understanding to the past.” My little Brother. Thanks for coming around Dude.
12. Janie Jones: Dec 18, 2006, 11:09am “The passage of time is a drag…” Ah, Janie Jones. I owe you a game night. Thanks for coming through, let me know when you’re ready to set up a blog and I’ll help with anything you need.
13. Bryan: Dec 21, 2006, 1:38pm “I completely relate to suicidal fantasies, it can really fuck you up when your trying to be a productive member of society.” Dude, you’ve got a great blog going and your comments here have always been important and relevant. Thanks a lot for dropping some knowledge.
14. rick deacon: Dec 27, 2006, 12:31am “Wow, and all this time i thought i was the only cynical t1 bipolar person in the world who thought about suicide everyday.” Thanks for coming around, rick. You made me smile.
15. BiPolar Mo: Dec 28, 2006, 3:30pm “I’ve so far managed to avoid your idea of carving a record of my day onto my arm. I think I’ll just stick to the blog… but if it ever goes down I’ll reconsider.” We’ve only had a couple of exchanges but I’ve enjoyed them both, thanks for coming by.
16. Thordora: Jan 2, 2007, 10:02am “I learned long ago that whatever was wrong with me was not helping me creatively on any level. It would either get me jacked up and excited to start something I’d never finish, or too depressed to write more than one stanza.” Possibly the most brutally honest blog I’ve come across… and my swimming partner for when we go into the deep end.
17. isa diamond: Jan 4, 12:13pm “Man, could your focus/effectiveness/tenacity/compassion be mass marketed?” So nice, then never heard from again. Thanks and come again anytime isa.
18. sisiphus: Jan 7, 12:30am “I am finding much food for thought in your posts, thanks.” I really hope you come back. Thanks for the ‘award’ and thanks for taking part, I know you’re missed by a lot of people.
19. Nita: Jan 11, 11:19pm “An uncle I was close to was a manic depressive…I understand what it is like. He was brilliant as well. He felt suicidal but he never did it. One can conquer.” Ah, Nita. Thanks for everything.
20. Eleanor: Jan 12, 6:36am “Nothing is ever perfect but fortunately you are intelligent enough to find out how to best deal with things in the way most appropriate for you.” Thanks for the discussion on the importance of sleep in our recovery, Eleanor.
21. Tim: Jan 18, 9:54am “Good thing you didn’t hear talk about the “funk y chicken” (slang for seizures) in the video!” Possibly the only exclamation point ever left in a comment on Salted. Thanks for coming around, Tim, and educating people on medicinal marijuana.
22. Ruddell: Jan 18, 2:02pm “If I saw her now, I would tell her what I tell every epileptic: ‘Your doctor doesn’t know shit. Change diet, smoke pot, seizures gone'”. One of my best friends from high school… thanks for coming around Dude. Try to stop wasting your life at some point. That’d be cool.
23. moineaureveur: Jan 20, 3:50pm “Thanks for writing so honestly. Keep going.” You’re welcome and I am… I’m sorry you felt it necessary to delete your blog but thanks for coming over.
24. Alicia: Feb 1, 2:52pm “I’d love to say something profound but all I can must is “wow, you’re in my head”. But I think it’s like that every time I read how someone else is experiencing something remotely close to what I do.” Thanks Alicia. For everything you’ve gone through over the past few months you’ve been an inspiration to a lot of people for being able to keep moving forward.
27. Sean: Mar 13, 12:38am “If you were the [redacted] who posted the comments to the Americans are dumb thread/video over at eastvillageidiot, then I thank you. You said everything that needed to be said and said it well, especially when replying to the smug Swedish expert on American voters.” You’re welcome, it was a pleasure. And thanks for tracking me don to let me know.
28. JSG: April 10, 10:43am “I have just been working on a book about (amongst other things) becoming bipolar…and spontaneously a large part of it revolves around memory.” I hope the book works out for you, JSG. Thanks for coming by…
29. Lucky Mud: April 13, 4:50pm “Sometimes I wish I were a genius like those famous manic depressives so I’d have an excuse to be the way I am, without feeling like I had to apologize for it.” You had one of the sweetest avatars… I’m sorry you felt it necessary to delete your blog, I really enjoyed it. Thanks for coming over.
30. Scared_md_friend: May 12, 7:12pm “I’m new to all this. I found out 2 weeks ago the guy I’m falling for has this disease.” At this point I was actually thinking about shutting Salted down to concentrate on another blog, but your comment brought back to me how important Salted was to me, so thanks for doing that. I hope you were able to find the answers you needed.
31. bromac: May 18, 11:11am “Just found your blog. Very much looking forward to your return.” You were the first to respond after I restarted Salted. Thanks. Your encouragement meant a lot to me then, as it does now.
33. aroundnaround: May 20, 5:55pm “Learning you’re not the disease is critical. Took me a long time to figure that out too, but once I did, things changed for me.” Easily one of the best recovery blogs I’ve come across… or who came across me. She needs to get her link fixed though… aarrgh. Thanks for coming over to Salted, and thanks for doing what you’re doing.
34. Gianna: May 21, 7:44pm “I can tell you–for me, off the pills sucked, on the pills sucked worse, and now getting off the pills and choosing diet, nutrition and neurofeedback seems to be maybe working?? I’m giving it my best” We may disagree on how to get where we want to go, but we’re definitely trying to get to the same place. It’s a hard thing finding common ground with people we disagree with and I thank you for finding it with me.
35. hymes: May 21, 10:10pm “I took the f-king pills. Now I have kidney failure. The pills did nothing to help me, psychotherapy is what has helped me.” Hymes, we got off to an uncomfortable start but the dedication you’ve put into your cause and educating people about the dangers of using the wrong medications has been important. Thanks for taking part in my conversations.
36. LeBlank: May 23, 10:14pm “keep up the writing. it’s hard to find a consistently strong blog to come back to. i have 2 in mind. yours is one of them.” It has been a hard year for you LeBlank, but you’re still moving forward and that’s the most important thing. Thanks for reading and thanks for participating here.
37. ames: May 26, 9:35pm “Now I don’t have Bipolar but I suffered from severe Clinical Depression for years. CBT helped me learn tools to pull myself out of the Depression but it wasn’t until five months ago when I was finally put on the right pill that I actually wanted to use those tools.” My little sister. Thanks for understanding, and wanting to understand.
38. Patient Anonymous: May 28, 5:42pm “What on earth is happening to us all? Falling apart all over the bloody place.” The purple-clad nin-JAH in pill form. Thanks for everything PA, I hope you get your voice back soon.
40. Bine: June 4, 4:00am “then there is this milk bottle thing. okay, i didn’t manage to collect 209. if i had a storage room off my kitchen, i probably would. my mind blocks before the simplest of things, like making a bank transaction…” Bine, we don’t connect nearly as much as we should. Thanks for taking part in my Salted thing.
41. experimental chimp: June 4, 6:06am “No amount of guilt or self-recrimination helps, but I haven’t worked out what does yet.” Dude, easily the most fun I’ve had on someone else’s blog was kicking Troll ass on yours. Thanks for coming over.
42. Surgeon In My Dreams: June 4, 1:56pm “My husband hs decided after only 3 years, he has no desire for sex anymore. Celibacy has become my life and I had absolutely NO CHOICE in the matter. Rather than do what I would like to do, which is be alone, I stay in the psuedo-marriage to keep him from feeling bad. I’ve done this my entire life but it took reading your one sentence today to ‘get it'”. I hope things are better for you SIMD, thanks for being here.
43. absolut.folly: June 10, 11:37am “I don’t think it’s vanity, because I hate the way I look in all pics. but I was somehow sorry when I realized it wasn’t there. maybe seing it up on your blog tells me that I do exist, not only in my own universe but someone elses… and thus that I matter.” You have always mattered in whatever universe I was a part of… I miss having you around here and around the blog. Thanks for coming over, and thanks for being a part of Salted. You’ve been a very important chunk of my life.
44. Martin Seeber: June 10, 7:37pm “Great writing. It’s a relief to hear the truth about what it’s really like to have Bi-polar.” Thanks Martin, feel free to come back anytime.
45. Dana: July 3, 8:43am “There goes my breakfast. And it was a really good muffin.” Dana… I’m sorry things worked out the way they did. It should have been much better. Thanks for being here.
47. me [someone else]: July 10, 12:28pm “im gonna die hahahahaha” I hardly knew you, me. Feel free to come back anytime. Thanks for the note.
48. Jack Payne: July 15, 11:11am “A con man, being a sociopath, is a congenital liar. Makes you wonder how such an empty suit can live with himself under these circumstances.” Purely anonymous comments generally freak me out, none more so than yours. Thanks.
49. MondayMorningPower: July 19, 11:29pm “Interesting…..my memory sucks, and I feel I live a very healthy and fullfiling life. I like your blog.” I really like what you’re trying to do, Dude, I’m sorry I haven’t been able to help as much as you or I would like. Thanks for coming over and trying to help.
50. Darell: July 20, 12:38am “Keep up the good work my friend. This blog is amazing.” Thanks buddy.
51. Vicki: July 23, 11:18am “Perhaps you will not understand this, but as much horror and hell that existed back then, with remnants surfacing today, if asked, I would have to say that it was a small price to pay to welcome you and your brother into my life, and my daughter and my son.” No offence Vicki but I would have been a lot happier if you hadn’t found Salted. But you didn’t know that at the time. Thanks for staying away.
52. Mahendrap: Aug 1, 3:06pm “My experience has been flashes of artistic creativity during episodes, but more sustained efforts of many more constructive endeavors at other times.” Dude, I thank you very much for participating. Your comments have always been well researched and always brought an air of respectability to my posts.
53. Catatonia Today: Aug 5, 8:03am “I guess I would argue in the end that feeling things so strongly stimulates the urge and the need to express them. Which has nothing to do with the ability or intelligence or talent one has that strongly affect the quality of what gets expressed.” Thanks for being the first Ic@rus person to come over, and for using my post on Art and Manic Depression to try starting a conversation on the Ic@rus main site… too bad it fell into insults and weirdness. You’re always welcome back.
54. spakkeh: Aug 8, 10:41pm “Writing really has become hard these last few months. I suppose I should try it again…” I totally agree buddy… keep moving forward and thanks for putting my RSS in your sidebar.
55. tempest carousel: Aug 20, 6:17am “I am new to this whole ‘living with a diagnosis’ thing. Anyway, through the miracle of tagsurfing I found your blog, and I liked it. I liked it lots.” I’m not sure where you went, or if you survived being there, but when you come back let me know you’re around. Thanks for taking part before you went away.
56. samp: Aug 23, 4:17am “thank you so much for the beautiful flowers.. it was a brillant idea.. thanks also for making me smile.” You’re very welcome samp, I hope you’re feeling better. Thanks for coming through, anytime you want more flowers just let me know.
57. gabrielae: Aug 26, 5:21am “Humour is a good recipe for keeping the big bad blues out.” The last I heard from her things were pretty much falling apart… I’ve sent an email or two but haven’t heard back. Thanks for spelling ‘humour’ properly.
58. UM: Sept 3, 8:13pm “This was a very good post….honest details and descriptions from both you and the people who commented. As my granny would say to you all, ‘God bless your little hearts. Now, let’s have a drink!'” I’ve liked your granny ever since, thanks for taking part TPB. Your comments are always appreciated.
61. Lew: Sept 6, 11:49pm “I don’t get it. Giant, yeah. The other bunch of the list? Better get that Édith Piaf collection ready along with some clinical depressants.” Next time, Lew, it’s all about the humour… promise. Thanks for coming over.
64. d: Sept 29, 11:08am “You raise a good question. I think sometimes the more we think about it “when feeling well” can just make you feel like crap. (that probably makes no sense at all) I do know I have to take breaks. Personally, I have to talk about other things than bipolar on a daily basis.” How many letters are you guys anyway? Thanks for coming over ‘d’, ‘UM’ was over earlier.
65. Kayla: Oct 8, 12:25am “Being one of the 37 individuals on your blog roll with Manic Depression, I have to say I agree with you about the community aspect. I read your blog all the time. Along with all the other Manic Depressive/Depressive blogs I have on my Blog Roll. I’m not much for comments, but I do read. When I read a post I just have to comment on-like this one-I will.” Please, Kayla, feel free to comment more often. Thanks for reading and for commenting.
66. exact science: Oct 13, 1:25pm “I know far too many people who consider themselves writers and only two who actually are. The difference between them and those who want be writers is explained in this post.” Dude, the only advice I’d offer is make sure you don’t burn out… a full time blog, full time school and full time recovery can lead straight into a wall. But thanks for commenting here, you’ve got a great blog going.
68. Maria Cristina: Oct 13, 5:16pm “I respond well to pills. No shame there, and I consider myself lucky. Still, there’s always a temptation to see if I can go it alone, as if I would get some kind of award for not taking my meds.” If you’re reacting well to them please don’t stop. Thanks for coming over, Maria.
69. masterprac: Oct 15, 11:03am “When I was immobilised by depression, I figured out that I couldn’t hardly do anything… except I could put one foot in front of the other. And that’s what I did. I walked. It was the only thing I could do … but I could do it.” One foot in front of the other, little steps Dorothy. Thanks for responding.
70. Anita Marie: Oct 16, 1:40am “Diet Pepsi? DIET PEPSI?
Wow, what happens when you drink regular Pepsi? It boggles the mind.” Mostly the left side of my body wants to wrestle with the neighbours dog. Thanks for the No Post Day idea, as soon as the profits start rolling in your cheque’ll in the mail.
72. Lori: Oct 19, 10:50am “I’m always ripping off ideas from AM. She’s got good ones to rip!” Totally agree… thanks for commenting.
73. Freya: Oct 19, 2:05pm “On my previous blog I’ve deleted comments that directly attacked other visitors and their comments or my daughter. If it’s me, I leave it up and respond if appropriate.” Thanks. Just for keeping going, thanks.
74. Shawna: Oct 31, 2:26pm “I think i have depression mania but im not sure i need to find out.” I hope you’ve found the help you need.
75. Melanie: Nov 1, 8:13pm “I’m glad to see you still taking your meds. Hoping you’ve thought about me over the years and that you might like to get in touch with an old friend.” Thanks for typing my name into Google… it’s not often my life can change in just forty-one words, but you managed.
76. Ancestor: Nov 2, 11:36am “This blog site will help me stop meandering over a distinct and well-versed plan to “check-out”. I have exercised a variety of attempts; all which have led to failure or as some would say “an angel watches over you,” a fucking angel…” Thanks ‘Ancestor’.
77. brilliance: Nov 7, 10:52pm “Well, I was fine. Then I saw that owl picture and now I suppose I am deranged. Thanks, Gabriel!” Yes, you will be. Of all the owl family, snowy owls are definitely responsible for the majority of manic depression. Thanks for being funny with a hammer.
78. petitmuse: Nov 8, 9:09am “hey, thank you for inquiring about my well being. i’m doing much, much better, thank you! life continually surprises…” Thanks for letting me know, I hope living the Village life works.
79. SouthishPolar: Nov 15, 8:23am “Really like this discussion – I just followed a link here from Icarus, and especially like Catatonia Today’s post above. I’ve thought about this topic myself on and off ever since my first episode.” Dude, you just made it under the wire. Thanks for commenting. Somehow it just makes sense this post would be the last one to be commented on…
That’s it… one year of my life in print. If anyone’s wondering, as of 3.45pm, November 15, 2007, there have been 986 responses left on Salted Lithium — although I did bring over a few when I merged with Dumb Waiter and the original [redacted], so maybe 820 — and 6,402 spams caught by Akismet… most of which had to do with Viagra and having sex with someone’s mom. Hopefully not yours. Or mine. Thanks to all of you for making it so interesting.
“south be-ach!” ‘highonsugar25′
My favourite YouTube from this year…
Let me know if it’s not available.