“A Drug Against War”; KMFDM
Let me know if the YouTube’s missing…
Caring for yourself, looking after your physical health, just isn’t a priority for someone who constantly wants to die. It wasn’t like I was in pain, my teeth were usually in pretty good shape, but I wasn’t flossing or rinsing or brushing three times a day either.
“…The Little Things Get Neglected”; Something I wrote last Spring
We need to be able to find small victories, little moments we can lose ourselves in so we can fight against the voice in our head telling us what a huge fucking failure we’ve become because we couldn’t stop failing over the years and decades which make up our lives.
“…There’s A Very Real Risk…”, Something I wrote January 08.
I actually feel like I scored a couple of small victories today… which is great because there was one fuck of a failure as well.
I’m back on mushy food again so I’m eating a banana… last night marked the median in what will be three weeks between recovering from the last tooth being taken out and this one, it was the one night between Recovery and recovery Again where I was able to eat solid food. So I ordered out for Chinese and carefully ate eight chicken wings and a container of beef and broccoli. Now, again, I can barely chew a ripe banana.
It’s not that the process has become easier, I just know what to expect now. Later on I’ll have some pasta with a little butter and cheese…
So the failure, of course, was losing another tooth to one of the various Periodontal diseases and the nearly two decades of smoking and the crappy hygiene and the genetics… my grandmother, who grew up in Alberta during the Great Depression, had lost all of her teeth before she was twenty. Mom’s having bone density problems as well…
But I’m actually kind of okay right now. I think I was expecting to feel like I was kicked in the face as I left the Dentist office… but I didn’t. I actually felt Better… not great, but a little better from when I went in, and filming the event was the difference. The Dentist and the Assistant were cool with me doing what I did, in fact the Dentist actually suggested the best angle for shooting.
I am going to write this, just to get it out of the way… my Dentist is Smoking hot. Like HAWah-T Hot. There. It’s out in the open. She’s funny and professional and fantastic at her job but damn… anyway. Yes, I am holding a camera while she digs a tooth out of my skull… I almost missed getting the tooth, I thought she took it away then when I realized it was on my chest she grabbed it… I need some kind of Production Assistant for these things.
The Extraction… a Salted Lithium Production
The other little victory was about photos… a friend of mine asked me around Christmas to take pictures of him and his girlfriend’s family. The mother/grandmother was in town from Alberta and it was the first time in years the whole family had been under one roof. I did it, but I’ve been nervous ever since.
It was the first time I’ve used the SLR in over a year, the lighting was shit, there was a room full of people I didn’t know and here I was with all of this Responsibility. I actually got sick the next night because I thought I had fucked the whole thing. So Dean brought the photos (144) over this afternoon and they turned out fantastic. It was like I almost knew what I was doing… then we cranked up the Judas Priest and played Twisted Metal Black on the PS2 for a couple of hours.
I lost a tooth, something I’ve had for thirty-seven years, but I think I won the day.