“Blown Wide Open”; Big Wreck
Let me know if the YouTube isn’t available.
I’ve been writing my second post about my relationship with my mother, her parents, my father and his parents but I’ve got a mouse in my cupboard and it’s driving me nuts… so I needed a break.
I had mice two years ago, when I first moved upstairs to this apartment. They lasted about three months using my pasta as sustenance. I don’t like killing things, but when I finally had enough I bought these spiked seeds that gives mice ebola or something. Basically they have an anti-clotting agent which turn mice into haemophiliacs. I’m still not sure if that sounds cruel or not.
I get these little visions of baby mice asking their mommy why she’s bleeding out of every orifice.
One summer, when I was about twelve, I found a mouse in a “humane” trap my grandfather had left out in the back shed of his farmhouse. My original idea was to release it, but when I reached into the trap to pull it out the thing bit me. So in what must have been my first instance of adolescent cruelty I threw it against a rock, it was either dazed or broken but it kept chirping so I stamped my foot on it but it kept chirping, so I started to panic and dropped it into a giant puddle in the field out back. But it turns out it’s actually very hard to drown something. So I picked it out of the water and its heart was still beating so I threw it as far into the field as I could.
Three years later there was my only other moment of animal cruelty, against a bird… but I don’t like thinking about that one at all. It was stupid and ugly and I’ve never talked about it, ever.
I did shoot the tail off a bunny. My uncle’s best friend, a serious Mountain Dude, took my younger brother and I hunting on a wet Fall afternoon. I might have been… ten, maybe. We got under a pine tree and waited quietly until a rabbit hopped up. When it was about fifteen feet away Dude gave me the gun, told me how to aim and I squeezed the trigger until Bang… no bunny. It took off with some shot pellets in its ass.
Dude, to his credit, tried to track it down, but no rabbit. I think my little brother was crying at this point and I felt sick… city boys with guns.
I spent my summers for about six years working as a farmhand so I’ve seen my share of killing. The weirdest thing I ever saw during that time was the absolute red-eyed hatred the farmers have around here for groundhogs. The little beasties dig massive holes in the fields which will easily break the farm equipments axles in half.
One farmer had the idea to soak them out by flooding their den, then shooting them as they popped out. But those dens can go on for a hundred yards. Then there’s the lengths they’ll go, three times I had my life put at risk because of a farmer trying to run down a groundhog.
Once we were coming back from a field, and while I was hanging on the back of the tractor the farmer jerked the wheels around and drove us through a ditch after one of the little demons. Fucking farm dude scared me right out of my dick. Once we were back on the road he skids to a stop, turns around and points to the groundhog and says “go see if it’s dead”.
It’s pretty obvious it most definitely was not dead because its front paws are twitching and its teeth are chattering like it’s really pissed off. But its back end is about an inch thick from where the farmer had guided the wheel and there’s guts everywhere. I tell him the groundhog is still alive so he tells me to finish it off. I ask “with what?” and he tells me to kick it to death… so I put my toe under it and flicked it into the tall grass like a soggy soccer ball.
I’ve decided I like groundhogs and not so much farmers.
So I figure my mouse/mice have another week left to find another home before I buy some of that ebola seed. Maybe I’ll wait until the snow’s gone, maybe they’ll piss off then.
But, really, I barely like it when people come over… and I absolutely hate weird noises when I’m writing. Like right now it sounds like something’s moving around behind my fridge. Maybe I’ll tuck the ebola seed into some sugar water or something…