Today’s Tests Show It Is Highly Unlikely My Girlfriend’s Pregnancy Will Last To Full Term

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My girlfriend and I were in Ottawa at the high risk pregnancy unit of the Ottawa General Hospital today. The news we received was pretty grim.

The doctors do not believe her pregnancy will last to full term. The surgical procedure which gave our child the best shot at survival isn’t working properly.

It’s called a “cerclage”, and it’s essentially a surgical stitch in my girlfriend’s cervix. My girlfriend has what’s known as an “incompetent cervix”, which means without the “stitch” her cervix would most likely be open, which would then cause a miscarriage.

Two-thirds of the “stitch” has worn away. There’s less than a centimetre of it left and, because the baby is now two weeks larger than normal, there’s more pressure pushing down on her cervix.

The only solution the doctors have to offer right now is to have my girlfriend live in a stress free environment. So no more driving, no more shifts at the convenience store, no more walking further than the sidewalk, no more baths — short showers only, and no more loud noises.

She’ll be spending at least three nights in the hospital starting on Thursday, so they can monitor her, and to give her a stress free place to be.

Beyond that, we basically have to make it one more month for the baby to have a legitimate shot outside the womb.

My girlfriend is devastated. I am as well. We both thought the procedure would work. Neither of us were thinking of what could go wrong, we were both thinking about Sunday, January 10, 2010.

She’s also devastated because once again her family is doing their very best to make her life miserable.

When we arrived back in town I took her father aside and explained to him what was going on. Right away he agreed to take my girlfriend’s three-year old son to stay with his grandparents. An hour later we received a call from her mother, who told us there was “no way we’re taking him for more than two days” because this situation was “all your fault anyway, and now you have to live with the consequences” and, just for laughs, she added, “well I guess this means you shouldn’t have had any more children”.

This is what her family does, how they treat each other during an emergency or when they should be happy. Her mother is a cruel, evil, dried out bitch who has trained her children like fighting dogs — so now all she has to do is point, or say a few words, and she sets them on each other because it makes her feel tingly inside.

And now this fuck bitch is costing my kid his chance at living.

…my girlfriend will spend the weekend in the hospital. Her son will spend the weekend with his grandparents. Next week I’ll have to take over as primary babysitter. I’ll be taking him to school, bringing him home, making sure he gets fed and entertain him until bedtime. I’ll be shopping for my girlfriend, running her errands, and making sure her life is quiet and stress free.




About Gabriel...

...diagnosed with manic depression when I was nineteen, for the next 14-years I lived without treatment or a recovery plan. I've been homeless, one time I graduated college, I've won awards for reporting on Internet privacy issues, and a weekly humour column. In 2002 I finally hit bottom and found help. It's now 2022, and I have an 8-year old son, and a 12-year old son... I’m usually about six feet tall, and I'm pretty sure I screwed up my book deal. I mostly blog at
This entry was posted in Bipolar, Bipolar Disease, Bipolar Disorder, Clinical Depression, crazy people with no pants, Health, Living With Depression, Living With Manic Depression, Manic Depression, Mental Health, Pregnancy. Bookmark the permalink.

23 Responses to Today’s Tests Show It Is Highly Unlikely My Girlfriend’s Pregnancy Will Last To Full Term

  1. thordora says:

    oh man, I’m sorry you two are dealing with this-you’d think this would be the one time a family could look past it’s own nose.

    I wish I was closer to help-I should sent my brother to babysit. 🙂 I am here if you need an ear however.

  2. Yo is Me says:

    bring the kid over here. we have pb&j, a pool, pool toys, we can sneak him in my boyfriend’s daughter’s backpack, it will be fine.

    i hate asshole family members. it’s a shit.

    hugs and hugs and hugs.

  3. Kitty says:

    Sorry to hear things are not going so well with the pregnancy and the girlfriend’s family is not supportive.

    That sucks.

    But hey, she has you. Hang in there, one month, bedrest.

  4. mercurial scribe says:

    You have my prayers and positive thoughts. Miriam (my now 17-month-old daughter) was high risk from my bipolar and the eclampsia I developed (very very not good). She was born four and a half weeks early, lungs barely developed at a whole of 5 lbs.

    She is now an opinionated, talkative toddler with personality to spare who is keeping me up nights with her sudden need to babble.

    I hope and pray though your situation is scary and seems dire that your child has the same outcome mine did so two years from now you can be annoyed from lack of sleep and quiet. Take care of your girl, take care of your kiddo-in-utero and don’t let the truly crazy people (aka her family) get you down.


  5. Mahendra says:

    Don’t know what to say, except that we’re here listening to you. Hang in there.

  6. exactscience says:

    Grace, courage and wisdom. You know the serenity prayer and it is, right now, the only thing I can think of. Thoughts and prayers are with.
    I think you’ll be a great dad, consider next week to be practice.

  7. Lala says:

    Hi, I’m a friend of Thor’s. I live in Ottawa now and if you need anything, a babysitting break or a visit to your girlfriend please let me know how I can help.

  8. Jen says:

    I am so sorry. I can’t even imagine how hard it must be not to sock your girlfriend’s mother in the jaw.

  9. celectric says:

    life seems to be a never ending shit pile of a battle. i’m sorry that things are so difficult for your guys right now. …if i was a religious-y gal i’d be praying for you, but i’m not so you’re gonna get all my thoughts and vibes.

    a month seems like a hell of a long time, but in reality it’s not too bad. it might be a tough month on you both, tougher than any month has ever been (considering the lack of help on her family’s side) but once this month is over you guys can breathe again.

    good luck with the babysitting… i recommend dvd’s of fraggle rock… but that’s just cause i enjoy watching them. ;D

  10. zoom says:

    I’m sorry Gabriel. I will keep my fingers crossed that you and your baby get a much-needed lucky break.

  11. bromac says:

    I am so, so sorry to hear this news. I will be hoping for, and thinking of, all of you.

    And, sorry about the fucking nasty bitch mom. That’s awful.

    I know you’ll do well with the boy. Your relationship with him has grown so much.

  12. Soire says:

    I’m sorry it’s not going well. It’s hard at the best of times – and this isn’t helping at all!!

  13. Clare says:

    Oh Gabriel I am sorry you are facing this excruciating situtation. I am praying for you and and peace, my friend.

  14. raino says:

    g- really sorry to hear this news. it’s very unfortunate. i’ll be thinking about the two of you. it sounds like you are a great guy! take care of each other.

  15. auralay says:

    Hi Gabe,
    I’m sorry to hear about the pregnancy complications. I really hope that her stay in the hospital gives her and the baby a chance to relax and build up strength.
    Good thoughts and warm wishes are being sent your way.

  16. Richard says:

    I’m with exactscience on this and think you should take up Yo Is Me’s offer. I’m sorry you guy shave to deal not just with the medical stress and the personal anguish this news brings, but also with such total flatbed trucks of “inlaws”. Like you don’t have enough to deal with. That’s why I’m with exactscience on this.

  17. I’m sorry all of this has com down on you. You are in my thoughts.


  18. bats0711 says:

    Awwwwwww dearest Gabriel, sigh.
    I am here, listening, reading, feeling, and responding when I know what to say and this isn’t one of those times.

    I’ll be burning white candles all weekend for you and your girlfriend. I wish her health and you peace.

  19. Gabriel... says:

    Okay… here goes. I’ll leave a longer update when I have time to write a proper post. First, thank you Everyone for your comments and emails.

    We brought my girlfriend to the Ottawa General on Thursday, where the doctors decided pretty quickly the original three to four days wouldn’t be enough, and she should spend at least a week in the hospital. We find out on Tuesday if they’ll recommend more time… I think/hope they will.

    Just over the past couple of days my girlfriend’s situation has improved. For the past month or more she was having sharp pains in her belly, sometimes for hours, but they’re gone now. There’s still a general discomfort around the baby area, but the only pain she’s had since going into the hospital has been from tension being released from her shoulders and back.

    I was with her today (Saturday) and took her for a wheelchair ride around the hospital campus. For the most part she was laughing and in good spirits. She misses her son, he was able to visit her on Friday, along with her father. And she misses her dog. But she has a quiet room, with a great view — the sky outside her window was filled with giant hot-air balloons on Friday night and Saturday morning.

    And, of course, there are babies everywhere on the ward. She said the hallways were filled with happy families and new babies on Friday night.

  20. thordora says:

    I’m so glad things sound better.

  21. regime says:

    I hope she would be fine don’t worry about it.
    She needs some rest.

  22. I’m glad to hear that. I’m really sorry this is turning as strange as it is, and I hope everything will turn out for the best for all of you.

  23. Pingback: Next Week Our Baby Will Be Born Two Months Premature « …salted lithium.

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