“It’s roughly five hours from Ottawa to Toronto on the express bus. One of the interesting things I learned from my hour kneeling in front of the public toilet is the chemical tank has an outside vent, so when you’re kneeling over the toilet hole there’s actually a very pleasant cool breeze.”
The Dry Heaving Horror Show Back In Row Thirty; Feb. 11, 2009.
The bride is always right. For some reason I only ever attributed this cliché to the moments when she was rational. But the only experience I’ve ever had with a bride has been on the television programs which seem determined to only show their irrational moments.
So I just assumed the rational must outweigh the irrational moments otherwise those programs would be months long. These programs, went my assumption, must simply be made up of the worst moments. TV logic, I keep forgetting, does not translate well into real world logic.
Because it turns out the “Bridezilla” programs are actually made up of purely random moments of a bride’s life, not a condensed soup at all but like a bowl of Alphabits where the contents of every spoonful is different, but still basically the same alphabet of crazed lunacy.
The bride is always — always — right, especially when they’re totally unhinged.
01
06
...salted lithium. 