…hi. I accidentally published this post before I had even started it. Whoops. My apologies. So, this is the version that has words.
Thank you, to everyone who offered to help with the cost of our daughter’s gravestone. We received enough so we can put a down payment on the stone, so we’ll be ordering it this week.
Which means I’ll be sending out photos this week as well.
It took a while, but I did respond to everyone who sent an email, there might have been a few of my responses that went into people’s spam folders, so if you haven’t heard from me, it’s in there, and if it’s not, let me know.
If you haven’t had a chance to send a cheque or money order yet, there’s no rush, but it’d be great if you could let me know the amount you’re thinking of sending so we can budget. But it’s not a big deal. Especially if you just don’t have the money available you thought you would.
And I finally set up a PayPal account, but I have no idea how to use it… but, I’m willing to give it a shot.
We also have a plan to spruce up Evangeline’s plot. We’re in the newest of the new section, which is sandy, rocky and pretty barren. So we’re taking some of the top soil we were going to use for a flower garden at my girlfriend’s place, and plant some wild flowers and grasses around the plot.
We did have a small rose bush in a hanging pot, but the cold snap we had last week killed that off. We’ve been leaving flowers on the grave, but we’d really like to do more. There really is nothing there at the moment.
I’m still not sure what improvements we’re allowed to do, within the cemetery rules, but the only thing anyone seems to do there is cut the grass.
There are two cemeteries separated by a two-lane country highway, one has full trees, lots of places to sit, straight rows, and shade.
The one we’re in has no trees, no places to sit and the rows are kind of haphazard in places. Which one you get buried in, believe it or not, depends mostly on language. We’re in the French-Catholic cemetery, the one across the road is English-Protestant.
So… I just wanted to thank everyone. Thank you. The stone should be ready by the end of the month. Right now our plan is to leave a note of some kind under the stone with the names of the people who helped with the cost.
Which is cheaper than tattoos.
Gabriel… it has been a long time since I had read your blog the last time. I was just reading the news about your daughter. It´s so sad. 😦 I send you and Diane my sincere condolences.
I also read about the lack of support of both families. This situation must be very very very tough for you. I am sorry that you have to go through all this on your own. Just know that there are people out there who appreciate you and who are helping you in this.
I hope I can help , even with a prayer or sending you love and light.
Blessings for you and Diane.
Thanks Ana, prayers are definitely welcome.
Hi Gabriel, if you can let me know the email address associated with your paypal account, I think that’s all I’ll need to set up a transfer. I would like to contribute if at all possible.
Thanks petrona, I think you’re right… I know someone else has used my email address to transfer money to my PayPal account. Which just seems weird. I’ll send it to you tonight.
Oh Gabriel – I’m so sorry. Can I get your PayPal info as well? I’d like to help, too.
I’ll send it out tonight… you know, I think this PayPal thing might catch on. Seriously.
I’ve sent you and petrona an email with my ‘real’ email address. I think that’s what you need for a PayPal transfer. You might have to check your spam folder… thanks again. And again.
Just a quick update… and a clarification: we don’t actually have the full amount yet. So far we have the $450 we put together ourselves (which, at this point, is actually $400), and we’ve received $250 from four wonderful Internet donors. There are still two people, my brother and my youngest sister, who have sent cheques (I think $50 each) which I should receive by Wednesday. I have received other offers, some of which (like my younger sister) I turned down because the insanely-generous people offering were in worse financial shape than we are. But there are others that, for whatever reason, haven’t sent anything… which is cool. Really-honestly. If people can’t do what they can’t do then they can’t do it… you know? I definitely know how tight money can get, so there’s no worry if you can’t send some.
I guess I should also let people know, I’ll be depositing the cheques I have received this Thursday or Friday. So if your situation has changed, now’s the time to let me know. I don’t want to be responsible for any bouncing.
So, again, my girlfriend and I have been humbled by the generosity offered to us, by you. Thank you.
So sorry to read about all that you and your girlfriend and kids have gone through recently. I hope that you can get the money together for the headstone for your baby girl. I hope also that your extended families can find it within themselves to see within themselves what their attitudes and behaviour has been like and how it has affected you both and make an effort to build bridges towards healing relationships – to apologise and become more supportive – because supportive families make such a difference when things are tough.
One sticky-beak question … Have you and your girlfriend had access to any grief counselling? You sound like it might be helpful, and often women who have children who die during delivery struggle a lot with feelings of self-blame and wonder over and over if there is something that they should have done differently. In many places these sorts of things may be accessible through child and family services or a similar agency even in the absence of mental health issues – because this is independent of it, even if you may be more vulnerable to exacerbation of the symptoms of your bipolar disorder under the stress of the grief.
Hang on in there. Perhaps try some relaxation and mindfulness exercises or a strategy that you use at other times and like before going to sleep to try and minimise the amount of tension/anticipation you go down with. See if that reduces the frequency/intensity of the nightmares…
All the best. May your grief find its path in a manner that brings you less acute distress so that you may mourn your daughter’s passing and learn to walk with the awareness of the person who would have been doing this or that beside you throughout the rest of your life without the raw sense of pain that you feel now.