My Favourite Twenty-Five Movies Because Ten Would Be Stupid And Thirty Would Be Fucking Annoying Part Three

copyright banner
A Preying Mantis with a mite on her back… there’s some potential for wordplay in there.

spacer

“And if I show you my dark side, will you still hold me… tonight? And if I open my heart to you, and show you my weak side, what would you do?”
“The Final Cut”, Roger Waters (1983)

spacer

A list poem is one of the easiest kinds of poems to write because it doesn’t require either rhythm or rhyme. But that doesn’t mean you should write down anything helter skelter. Here’s a list of elements that makes a list poem a poem instead of just a list:
1) The writer is telling you something–pointing something out–saying, “Look at this” or, “Think about this.”
2) There’s a beginning and an end to it, like in a story.
3) Each item in the list is written the same way.”
“How to Write a “What Bugs Me” List Poem”, by Bruce Lansky (1996)

spacer

“My advice, to anyone willing to listen, is to find a notebook that fits into your pants pocket. Use a pen with a cap so it doesn’t explode in your pocket, and start writing down whatever you can remember. Even if it’s a favourite colour. Then, later, write down why it’s your favourite colour…. and pretty soon you’ve got a list.”
Me on my last post

spacer

The Third Five: My Ultimate Twenty Five Movies
This is a list I finished last spring. It was part of, what ended up being, a very successful method of regaining my memory. It took me two years to put this list together. The lists I’m posting, about the embarrassing memories, and these movies and the others to come, are meant to show the value in writing memories down.

spacer

Pi (π) (1998) b/w (Sean Gullette, Mark Margolis) My reasons for wanting to keep the doors locked were different than Max, but I could so relate when he jammed that drill into his head. I’ve never been excessively paranoid, the people who haven’t liked me over the years have made their feelings readily available to the general public. I’ve also been lucky enough not to experience “the voices” or regular migraines. This is a movie about a brilliant mathematician who — along with suffering from all three thanks to an early childhood incident, accidentally gets the true name of God stuck in his head while looking for patterns in the stock market. If you went out and ripped off a liquor store you’d almost have more of a budget for your movie than these guys did for theirs. On a budget of US$60,000 a lot of the atmosphere comes from the fact they couldn’t afford new film. Some of the math gets messed up, but the philosophical issues of numbers, God, the stock market, mental illness, trepanning and the game of “Go” all being discussed it’s easy to forgive any a+b mistakes.

.

Apocalypse Now (Redux) (1979) (Martin Sheen, Marlon Brando, Robert Duvall) This one is on the list and not the original because of the dinner scene at the French Plantation, all the other “add-ins” mostly sucked and dragged the story down. Listening to the French dudes talk about France’s expedition into Vietnam gave the film a sense of history it lacked in the original. But nothing beats The Doors doing “This Is The End” as a chunk of Vietnam goes up in napalm while the heavy-bass beating helicopters fly past the camera. Or when Brando finally shows up and you realize the movie’s not about “Willard” at all. First time I saw the original I was fifteen-years old and I ended up watching it eight times in two days.

Willard: [voiceover] “Saigon… shit; I’m still only in Saigon… Every time I think I’m gonna wake up back in the jungle. When I was home after my first tour, it was worse. I’d wake up and there’d be nothing. I hardly said a word to my wife, until I said “yes” to a divorce. When I was here, I wanted to be there; when I was there, all I could think of was getting back into the jungle. I’m here a week now… waiting for a mission… getting softer; every minute I stay in this room, I get weaker, and every minute Charlie squats in the bush, he gets stronger. Each time I looked around, the walls moved in a little tighter.”

.

The Killing Fields (1984) (Sam Waterston, Haing S. Ngor, Spalding Gray) I spent most of my early high school days debating in favour of the Communist Way. Did you know the Constitution of the Soviet Socialist Republic guarantees the equality of women and men, while the American Constitution only gives it to men? I even had the Soviet flag proudly on display in my bedroom window. I saw this movie in 1986, I was 16-years old and I couldn’t figure out what the fuck was going on… who was killing whom, what ideology was winning and which deserved to lose. I didn’t know until the end it was based on real events. Before I saw the movie I was such an idiot I thought Jello Biafra, at the end of The Dead Kennedy’s classic “Holiday In Cambodia”, was chanting “cold, hot” instead of “Pol Pot”. Watching this movie, about the insanity of Pot’s “Year Zero” extermination campaign and a Cambodian interpreter for an American reporter getting lost in it, was a fork in the road for me as a young idealist.

.

Cool Hand Luke (1967) (Paul Newman, George Kennedy) Honest to God the first time I saw this movie I was channel flipping (manually) and there was Joy Harmon washing her car… holy crap that dress was tight. It took me a couple of viewings but I finally started to see the religious themes in the movie. Based on the novel, and screenplay, of Donn Pearce, this movie has layers upon layers that I’m sure I haven’t discovered yet after at least twelve times… now, replace “Old Man” with “Father” as Luke finally stops and asks God for help and you’ll get a sense for the movie:

Luke: “Anybody here? Hey, Old Man. You home tonight? Can You spare a minute. It’s about time we had a little talk. I know I’m a pretty evil fellow… killed people in the war and got drunk… and chewed up municipal property and the like. I know I got no call to ask for much… but even so, You’ve got to admit You ain’t dealt me no cards in a long time. It’s beginning to look like You got things fixed so I can’t never win out. Inside, outside, all of them… rules and regulations and bosses. You made me like I am. Now just where am I supposed to fit in? Old Man, I gotta tell You. I started out pretty strong and fast. But it’s beginning to get to me. When does it end? What do You got in mind for me? What do I do now? Right. All right.”
[Gets on knees, closes eyes and begins to pray]

Luke: “On my knees, asking.”
[Peeks up with one eye, waits. Then opens eyes and crosses arms]

Luke: “Yeah, that’s what I thought. I guess I’m pretty tough to deal with, huh? A hard case.”
[Clicks tongue]

Luke: “Yeah, I guess I gotta find my own way.”
[Police headlights shine through windows, backs up]

Dragline: “Luke?”

Luke: [Shakes head and smiles] “Is that Your answer, Old Man? I guess You’re a hard case, too.”

.

Lawrence of Arabia (1962) (Peter O’Toole, Omar Sharif) This is The movie everyone must experience on a large screen. I haven’t, yet. The first time I watched this was as CFCF Channel 12’s late night movie on a tiny 19″ colour RCA. I was about 13 or 14 and we were living way, way out in the country so there was nothing, no sound anywhere, except my breathing and this movie. CFCF’s movies were on two hours past my bedtime so I’d sneak downstairs, keep the volume turned almost to mute, pull the chair up to the screen and watch without moving for as long as I could with my nose three inches from the screen. Back then “letterbox” format was pretty rare so people were always talking off screen, or the closups were really, really closeup. But even with no sound and two thirds of the movie happening off screen I was hooked, everything about this movie is perfect… even before it clues in this was a biography.

.

...thanks.

.

Posted in crazy people with no pants, Entertainment, Living With Depression, Living With Manic Depression, Manic Depression, Salted Lists | 4 Comments

Salted Humour Day | Covering Europe Under Six Inches Of Concrete

Whatever this thing is, it’s intelligent and it’s not afraid to kill its loved ones for food…

I’m not suggesting we cover the Earth in six inches of concrete, build a few oxygen generators and eat nothing but discarded skin. I’m just saying that if we want to avoid the weirdness this planet keeps throwing at us it’d be a good start.

This thing looks like it was the inspiration for John Carpenter’s “The Thing” and most, if not all, of the CGI in “Men In Black” only, instead of cartoons vomiting and/or exploding all over Tommy Lee Jones’ credibility as an actor, this thing is sitting in the middle of a Spanish road eating one of its own.

And I’m using the word “thing” on purpose. The fucking thing looks like an insect, it even moves a little like an insect, but I swear to Christ that thing is intelligent enough to know those cars whipping past aren’t a threat. It’s walking on two freaking legs with its buddies head in its freaking mouth. Something that fucking insane looking isn’t supposed to exist outside of a LucusFilm computer.

I’m totally fucking serious, you see something like this crawling around your neighbourhood and you start thinking “where’s the fucking government? Where are the people who are supposed to be doing something?” What is wrong with Europe that something like this makes sense? It’s four inches long… it’s four inches long, it’s intelligent, it looks like it looks and it has its friends head in its mouth. Seriously… there have been some pretty good reasons to do it in the past, but it’s finally time now to cover Europe in concrete.

.

.

Posted in 801 The Funny, crazy people with no pants, Humor, Humour, Inappropriate Humour Day, Punk, YouTube | Tagged , | 6 Comments

If Building A Community Were A Chinese Buffet These Blogs Would Be The Pieces Of General Tao’s Chicken On My Steamed Rice

“The experience of separateness arouses anxiety; it is, indeed, the source of all anxiety. Being separate means being cut off, without any capacity to use my human powers. Hence to be separate means to be helpless, unable to grasp the world — things and people — actively; it means that the world can invade me without my ability to react.”
“The Art Of Loving”, Erich Fromm (1956)

My blogroll has changed substantially since I started back in November, 2006. I’ve never thought of the blogroll as a place where I should reciprocate or thank someone for putting me into theirs. I’ve always treated it as a place to store blogs I’ve thought important enough for me, and others, to read regularly.

The first serious blog I put in there was Clare’s “Orphans Of Dark And Rain“. Unfortunately several blogs I’ve blogrolled have disappeared over the past six months. Sisyphus’ Ledge, Queenminx, Puddlejumper and, most recently, Lucky Mud have all deleted their blogs. Then there are the people in my blogroll who have gone on permanent vacation, including Clare’s “Orphans”, as well as “depressionisms ★ neurogenesis”; “A Non Addicts Struggle With Alcoholism”, “Misneach“, “Puddlejumping“, “…What Was I Looking For?” and; “la tête ailleurs…” .

Some of the people who have killed their blogs over the past few months did so because they felt a new strategy in their recovery was needed. Personally I think it’s an overly drastic solution, but fair enough. But several others did so because they felt they weren’t part of a community. They were doing what they thought was necessary to become a part of something larger, because they believed being a part of a larger community would help in their recovery. But, for whatever reason, could never quite break through.

So this is the first of a two part post, and possibly the first in a kind of quarterly update on who’s who and doing what in my blogroll. Right now I want to highlight a few blogs which are very well written, updated regularly and have insights and commonalities I think need sharing…

First: Bryan… I’ve been reading Bryan’s “HiDef Entropy” blog almost since I started blogging. He recently made the crossover from Blogger to WordPress and is gradually making himself at home. He has experienced and worked through many of the difficulties facing Americans with mental illness. I really believe that I’ve learned from his writing, and that his recent move to WordPress will result in him finding the community he needs.

Second: Up & Down… aroundnaround has managed to build up a community of her own, and I see her comments on a few blogs I read regularly. But she has so much experience living and dealing with manic depression that I see her site, and her experiences, as being a rich resource for those of us looking for some, or someone’s, answers.

Third: sleepless in cologne… Bine has a great sense of humour and is a wonderful artist and has managed to gather a community around her blog. But her attitude towards living with a combination of Bipolar and ADD is something I think many of us with similar ailments can learn from.

Fourth: Le Blank… is a reasonably frequently updated diary blog written by someone coming to terms with what manic depression has done to her, and what she can do against the disease. Personally I think reading about other people’s similar experiences would help her, and that her experiences could help others. She’s a talented writer with a lot to say.

Thordora, from “Spin Me I Pulsate” recently posted about a drop in her blog stats. It was the responses, or some of them, that originally made me think about doing this… or, at least, they were the latest reminder of the reasons for some of the suicided-blogs in my blogroll. A few of the bloggers I thought were gone, gone, gone recently came back. Bipolar Mo has recently made his blog public again, and Spekkah, who runs “The truth ALWAYS hurts…” recently made his first post in almost two months.

I’m a big believer in community responsibility. And, in here, I believe we are somewhat responsible to each other. I’m always looking for blogs which can help me — and maybe help people who run through my sidebar — in our recovery, and I think our blogrolls can be the first line in that responsibility towards other people. At the same time maybe I owe it to the people in my blogroll to make sure they’re being properly represented.

I’ve got a few more thoughts on the subject, but I have to do a little research first. So, for now, consider this an introduction to some new blogs. So, please, visit and say hi.

.

...thanks.

.

Posted in crazy people with no pants, Depression, General Tao's Chicken, Health, Intervention, Living With Depression, Living With Manic Depression, Manic Depression | 9 Comments

My Favourite Twenty-Five Movies Because Ten Would Be Stupid And Thirty Would Be Fucking Annoying Part Two

copyright banner salted photo header

spacer

A list poem is one of the easiest kinds of poems to write because it doesn’t require either rhythm or rhyme. But that doesn’t mean you should write down anything helter skelter. Here’s a list of elements that makes a list poem a poem instead of just a list:
1) The writer is telling you something–pointing something out–saying, “Look at this” or, “Think about this.”
2) There’s a beginning and an end to it, like in a story.
3) Each item in the list is written the same way.”
“How to Write a “What Bugs Me” List Poem”, by Bruce Lansky (1996)

“My advice, to anyone willing to listen, is to find a notebook that fits into your pants pocket. Use a pen with a cap so it doesn’t explode in your pocket, and start writing down whatever you can remember. Even if it’s a favourite colour. Then, later, write down why it’s your favourite colour…. and pretty soon you’ve got a list.”
Me on my last post

The Second Five: My Ultimate Twenty Five Movies
This is a list I finished last spring. It was part of, what ended up being, a very successful part of regaining my memory. It took me two years to put this list together. The lists I’m posting, about the embarrassing memories, and these movies and the others to come, are meant to show the value in writing memories down.

Continue reading

Posted in Bipolar, Bipolar Disease, Bipolar Disorder, crazy people with no pants, Depression, Health, Lithium, Living With Depression, Living With Manic Depression, Manic Depression, Mental Health, Punk, Salted Lists | 21 Comments

Number Two Of Five Lists | My Most Embarrassing Memories Ever

copyright banner salted photo header

spacer

A list poem is one of the easiest kinds of poems to write because it doesn’t require either rhythm or rhyme. But that doesn’t mean you should write down anything helter skelter. Here’s a list of elements that makes a list poem a poem instead of just a list:
1) The writer is telling you something–pointing something out–saying, “Look at this” or, “Think about this.”
2) There’s a beginning and an end to it, like in a story.
3) Each item in the list is written the same way.”
“How to Write a “What Bugs Me” List Poem”, by Bruce Lansky (1996)

“My advice, to anyone willing to listen, is to find a notebook that fits into your pants pocket. Use a pen with a cap so it doesn’t explode in your pocket, and start writing down whatever you can remember. Even if it’s a favourite colour. Then, later, write down why it’s your favourite colour…. and pretty soon you’ve got a list.”
Me on my last post

The Second Of Five Lists: Fifteen Embarrassing Memories
I started my first journal in years last spring. After about a week I had the idea to write down the memories I had been torturing myself with for close to eighteen years. They were little split seconds of embarrassment and shame which, as the years passed, built up to such an intensity where I could feel them physically.

Each one of these memories — no matter how insignificant they may seem now — was capable of, at worst, causing deep suicidal examinations and at best moments of shame and worthlessness. So I wrote them down as they came to me and the effect was stunning. Most of them are now gone, and the ones which are left have drastically lessened in intensity. I was able to see them on the page, as a list, for what they were… just small moments in time captured forever by a disease which doesn’t want us to move on. So here they are, not in order of intensity but just as how they occurred to me last year…

…there’s no way this could ever come back and bit me on the ass.

Continue reading

Posted in Bipolar, Bipolar Disease, Bipolar Disorder, Clinical Depression, crazy people with no pants, Depression, Lithium, Living With Depression, Living With Manic Depression, Manic Depression, Mental Health, Poverty, Salted Lists | 8 Comments

The First Of Five Lists | My Favourite Twenty-Five Movies Because Ten Would Be Stupid And Thirty Would Be Fucking Annoying

copyright banner salted photo header

“And if I show you my dark side, will you still hold me… tonight? And if I open my heart to you, and show you my weak side, what would you do?”
“The Final Cut”, Roger Waters (1983)

A list poem is one of the easiest kinds of poems to write because it doesn’t require either rhythm or rhyme. But that doesn’t mean you should write down anything helter skelter. Here’s a list of elements that makes a list poem a poem instead of just a list:
1) The writer is telling you something–pointing something out–saying, “Look at this” or, “Think about this.”
2) There’s a beginning and an end to it, like in a story.
3) Each item in the list is written the same way.”
“How to Write a “What Bugs Me” List Poem”, by Bruce Lansky (1996)

“My advice, to anyone willing to listen, is to find a notebook that fits into your pants pocket. Use a pen with a cap so it doesn’t explode in your pocket, and start writing down whatever you can remember. Even if it’s a favourite colour. Then, later, write down why it’s your favourite colour…. and pretty soon you’ve got a list.”
Me on my last post

The First Five: My Ultimate Twenty Five Movies
This is a list I finished last spring. It took me two years to put this list together. There have been some recent movies which, I think, may change the list but I’m posting it as is from the original. Most of the words come from notes I’ve made but, where the notes become illegible, I’ve borrowed some from published reviews. I’ll try to source them.

Continue reading

Posted in crazy people with no pants, Depression, Living With Depression, Living With Manic Depression, Manic Depression, Punk, Salted Lists | 16 Comments